Should Children Stay in Church or Go to Sunday School?
- Eljoh Hartzer, MTh
- Jul 24
- 10 min read
Whether children are seen as part of the church family or not should never be up for debate. What we can discuss, however, is what their role in the family should be and where the space is for them to take on that role. The popular question I'm referring to is: "Should children stay in church or go to Sunday school?"
I studied Practical Theology with a specialization in Youth Work, so this debate naturally surfaced quite regularly in both course material and casual discussions. Then I saw it play out before my eyes in countless ministry settings, each one begging unique configurations to meet their needs.
It's an important question to ask and it will impact every young heart's experience of faith and life in the church. In this article, I'll give an introduction to intergenerational ministry and age-specific ministry, and go on to expand on the strengths and risks of each approach.
If you're wondering where children fit in when it comes to faith and church, I hope you find a conviction as you prayerfully continue to read.
May you find space here to pause, reflect, and abide.
Two sides of the same coin:
"Should children stay in the big church service or should they go to Sunday school?"
This question is found on the lips of pastors and laypeople alike, and that reveals something like:
Should children really be expected to sit quietly in the boring sermon or should they be hidden away in a soundproof room somewhere?
I don't really believe these two points are as far removed from one another as we'd like to believe. It's far more likely that these are two sides of the same coin. Allow me to explain and make a case for each side of the coin (I'll argue both cases so you can draw your own conclusion):
Intergenerational ministry defined
If the coin is kids ministry, it has two sides:
On the one hand, we have intergenerational ministry.
"An intergenerational church brings together the wisdom of our elders, the energy of our youth, and the simplicity of our children" - Rev. Dr. Victor Lee
This is exactly like what it sounds: Different generations doing ministry (church) together. An intergenerational approach focuses on the unique thing that each generation can and should bring to the fellowship. It does not necessarily advocate for a child doing a sermon, but it does say that the child should be welcomed into big church and not banished off to the side.
Intergenerational ministry is based on the principle that there are things to be learned from each generation. Think about a family:
Grandpa might have wisdom and stories to share.
Dad can do hard work and ask big questions.
Junior reminds them how to play and have fun.
In the same way, each generation present in a church or faith community brings something unique to the table:
Grandpa understands God's unchanging nature.
Dad wrestles with God and knows Him as Provider.
Junior has bold faith and carries the joy of the Lord.
"One generation commends your works to another; they tell of your mighty acts." - Psalm 145:4
Intergenerational ministry uniquely prepares children for mature faith and they are taught how to do faith - how to attend church, how to worship, how to listen to a whole sermon. It goes against 'consumer Christianity' and offers everyone the same, real message to apply to their own lives.
The strengths of intergenerational ministry:
Belonging
Modeling faith
Seeing adults worship
Mentoring
Serving together
Church identity
The risk of this approach is that it is incredibly challenging to do a sermon where you meet the playful toddler and the grieving widow at the same depth. If you do the kids' song during worship, you lose the adult and the other way around. It can be super chaotic for parents and people without kids, making it hard to even hear what the pastor is saying. This teaching-style is also generally lacking participatory elements, meaning the message could go in one ear and out the other without ever reaching the listener's heart, nevermind their hands (real-life application).
Age-specific ministry defined
The other side of the coin is focused on age-specific ministry, think of youth, young adults, Bible studies for the elderly, and... Sunday school. This view is based on the idea that different generations experience God differently, and it makes it the church's job to cater to each group.
"It is a sin to bore people with the Bible... Faithful teaching of the amazing nature of God should lead to children being amazed" - Hunter Williams
Age-specific ministry is also exactly like what it sounds: Different generations doing ministry (church) apart. This approach also focuses on the unique thing that each generation can and should bring to the fellowship, and then it zooms in on that. It creates and holds space for each age-group to encounter God in the way they prefer so that everyone can flourish into mature faith.
"With many similar parables Jesus spoke the word to them, as much as they could understand." - Mark 4:33
The truth is there are definite ways that the Gospel message can be packaged to be more relatable and accessible to different generations. Jesus taught in parables because He wanted the people to understand what He was saying.
The strengths of children's ministry:
Age-appropriate teaching
Questions
Peer community
Accessibility
Safety
Response activities
I experienced the risk of this kind of ministry firsthand in my childhood: I grew up in Afrikaans culture where we have a saying: "Kinders moet gesien word en nie gehoor word nie", which translates to "Children must be seen and not heard". We were ushered out of the big church building with the stained glass windows to some other place. I wonder what message this sent to me as a child, being escorted out of the house of God...
Which one is better? Should children stay in church or not?
I think I fall somewhere in the middle on this debate. In other words, I think the coin should never be glued down so that only one side is visible. Even more ideally (and more fun), the coin should spin!
"It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other." - Ecclesiastes 7:18
Churches often assume they have to choose one side of the coin: intergenerational ministry or age-specific ministry. I don't think that's the right question. A healthy church lets the coin spin. Children need moments where faith is translated into language they understand, and they need moments where they witness adults singing, praying, confessing, grieving, and celebrating together. They don't need one instead of the other. They need both.
I was part of a church-plant who did this well. It was easy for them since the church was new to determine a culture where children were part of the family, but also had an intentional children's program happening on the side. One of the ways we went about building a kids ministry that's not separate was: Intentionally aligning kids lessons with the sermons. The Sunday school was designed according to the same blueprint as the big church. And they had a saying that will stick with me forever: "There is no junior Holy Spirit!"
Ideally, there would be times for both kinds of ministry in the life of the church:
Intergenerational ministry ideas:
fellowship sundays,
mixed age Bible study groups,
celebration services like baptism, Easter, or Christmas
Age-specific ministry ideas:
prayer groups,
young adults, youth ministry, kids church,
events like a men's hike, a women's morning, or kids camp
I don't think you can just lump everyone together in the same service and expect the child to feel included. Children are physically smaller than adults, they have different needs, and softer voices. These settings can see teens slowly fall through the cracks without anyone noticing until it's way too late.
I did my Master's thesis on the phenomenon of the 'missing generation' - and I believe the reason why young adults are missing from the church is in part because we never made space for them at the table.
The biggest gift we can give a child is to say: I see you.
Jesus did this often, pulling children into the middle of the crowd, and getting them to participate in miracles even if just by sharing their lunch. If He could use the five loaves and two fishes to feed thousands on that hillside, who are we to exclude kids from how we do church?
The underlying question: How do I disciple children?
The debate between intergenerational and age-specific ministry is but a shadow of a much larger question. A question that proves your heart is in the right place:
How do we help with the faith formation of kids and not just their entertainment? I wrote more about this in this article on the deeper meaning of sunday school. The question is, how do I lead my children to God?
Discipling children into mature faith looks like speaking a language they can understand, while not losing the original message in the translation. In a post on how to create meaningful response activities for kids church, I explained it this way:
"I recently learned that the human body struggles to absorb much-needed iron from spinach. But when you add a little bit of citrus to it, the vitamin C unlocks that iron so that our bodies can access it. In the same way, crafts and other response activities act like vitamin C - enhancing the flavor and unlocking the potential of the spinach (the Bible); not replacing it. They help kids to absorb the lesson."
To truly disciple a child, we need to get down to their level and see what's needed for them to access the Good News. It reminds me of a quote that says 'God's Word is not a brick to throw at people; it's bread to feed people'.
If Sunday school is viewed as discipleship, it is a whole-life thing that moves outside the box of a Sunday church service - and it does always involve other generations. Especially parents.
How other generations form the faith of children: The role of parents
The role of the parent is like the elephant in the room when it comes to the debate between age-specific ministry and intergenerational ministry. I've hinted above on the reality that parents are often pro age-specific ministry because it gives them a break and a way to encounter God without the distractions of their kids...
We cannot underestimate the role of a parent in the faith formation of a child. The Sunday school teacher sees the child for about an hour on a Sunday - it is the parent who journeys with them as these verses in Deuteronomy command. That is why I'm such a big fan of partnering with parents in kids ministry.
Faith formation is a whole-life event and cannot be crammed into a 30-minute kids program once a week on a Sunday morning.
How the faith of youth takes shape needs to be more authentic than that. For them to have true faith formation and not just entertainment, they need a LIVED faith; a tangible faith; and a faith that does not push them off to the side.
Deuteronomy 6:6-9
"These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates."
There are certain aspects about faith that are best modeled by parents and learned at home. Unfortunately, parents cannot outsource discipleship, and you cannot replace the role of the parent in the child's life.
Another example of how older generations can contribute to a child's faith formation is to ensure the presence of various generations in your Sunday school volunteer team. I learned that older people are helpful if a group struggles with discipline, while young adults are sure to increase the joy and fun. Read more about recruiting volunteers here.
Summary & recap
The risks and the rewards of both are double-sided:
Intergenerational ministry means all the age groups are together like a family, but they have competing needs and fight for a chance to be heard.
Age-specific ministry means different age groups are kept apart, but they could all learn about God in a way that makes sense to them.
Where do you land on the spectrum, or which side of the coin do you prefer? I think a strong case can be made for either one.
Questions to ask about your church
Do children regularly see adults worship?
Do children have opportunities to ask questions?
Are families ever encouraged to worship together?
Does the children's lesson connect with the sermon?
Are children known by adults outside their own family?
Are teenagers given meaningful responsibility?
Could a visitor immediately tell that children belong here?
Intergenerational Ministry | Age-Specific Ministry | |
Main goal | Worship together as one church family | Teach at an age-appropriate level |
Biggest strength | Belonging across generations | Understanding and participation |
Biggest risk | Different needs compete | Generations become disconnected |
Biblical picture | Psalm 145:4 | Mark 4:33 |
Works best for | Communion, baptisms, worship | Teaching, discussion, response |
I believe there is still a space for Sunday school, kids church, and children's ministry, but it must move from entertainment toward true faith formation. I want my children to experience God in ways that are fun, engaging, and unique to them, but I do not want to be forced to compromise the message they are taught. I want them to know that they belong in the church family.
It's not an easy task to find children's ministry materials that serve that unique need - which is why I started creating my own. This website is home to a growing collection of faith resources designed to bridge the divide. Every resource in my shop is designed to help children encounter God without watering down the message.
Here's one simple way to help your church (or family) let the coin spin.
Parents 📖 Read the Bible passage or listen to a sermon on it.
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Children 🎨 Color the matching Gospel of Luke illustration while listening.
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Together💬 Talk about one question from the passage.
One passage. Two ways of engaging. One family growing together.
While adults listen to the sermon or read the passage, children can interact with the same Scripture through coloring and conversation. Afterwards, everyone comes back together around the same story.
P.S. If you enjoyed this article and would like to stay in touch, I want to invite you to join my newsletter by leaving your email below.
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