Partnering with Parents in Kids Ministry

What might it look like if you were partnering with parents in how you approach Kids Ministry?

Dr. Lawson Murray said that : "The primary parenting task is to help children be exclusively devoted to Jesus and fully committed citizens in His kingdom." This is good news for leaders of children's ministry programs and those who help in Sunday School. Why?

Because you and the parents of the children have exactly the same goal or primary task!

My approach to doing Kids Ministry changed when I realized that parents are not just the people who drop kids off at the door. They are the ones shaping hearts at home, day after day. When kids ministry leaders and parents walk together, the impact runs so much deeper.

There are two key factors at play here:

1. As I wrote in my Practical Theology Thesis: "Some wonder if the church can still contribute meaningfully to societal issues today, especially for young people. Internationally, it is believed that people have lost faith in the church." So maybe the church is not the end-all-be-all?

2. In a typical Western-inspired modern worldview, kids workers often view children as individuals, standing on their own, instead of as part of a family. Think about it: Someone brought them to church, someone prays with them at home, someone reads the Bible to them...

We can imagine it like a garden: At church, we plant seeds (stories, Scriptures, songs, and small moments of encounter) in the hearts of children who attend our programs. But it’s often at home that the watering happens. The sunlight. The patient waiting.

Watercolor Painting by Eljoh Hartzer

We get to sow together with parents, trusting God to bring the growth.

In this post, I will explore 6 points for Kids Ministry leaders who wish to learn how to partner with parents instead of working against them. The points to follow are:

1. Why we're not replacing the family

2. A renewed focus on building connection and communication

3. How you can encourage (and not overwhelm) them

4. Being available and approachable

5. Notice your role: You plant the seed, they water it

6. What might it look like if we co-labored with parents?

We’re Not Replacing the Family

We have the kids for one hour a week - maybe longer if the service goes over time! Parents have them for all the rest. The goal of kids ministry isn’t to be the main spiritual voice in a child’s life; it’s to support, equip, and encourage families to disciple their kids with confidence. While belonging in a group at church can be good for a child's growing sense of self (Stravrova & Luhmann), their parents have an important and unique role to play in their faith formation (van Niekerk & Breed).

You need to recognize that what you are doing for an hour on a Sunday morning is important, but it's just a drop in the bucket. How would your perspective shift if you viewed the parents as the child's main disciplers and YOU partner with THEM? Maybe you'd ask them to weigh in on what would be a good choice for a curriculum? Maybe you'd focus on how you can assist their at-home discipleship job? In a Christlike approach, the Youth Worker takes a humble position and serves the family.

Build Connection and Communication

Consider a shift in perspective where your main job is not to teach the kids about Jesus on your own little island, but to build connection and communication with the families. Make it practical: Keep parents in the loop with simple updates. What did their kids learn today? What Bible verse are you focusing on this month? Is there a worship song they can play at home? Could they put the memory verse on the fridge?

You don’t have to overthink it. Even a quick conversation after class or a printed handout can mean a lot. When parents know what’s happening, they’re more likely to engage and partner with you. A helpful idea is to create a parents' group where you post a message with a weekly update on what they'd learned AND how the parents can take it further. The goal here is to be transparent about what's happening behind the closed doors of kids ministry so that you hold the space for them to connect if they want to.

Encourage, Don’t Overwhelm

With all of this being said, you need to keep in mind that some parents are new to faith. Some are barely keeping it together. Offer grace. Share encouragement. Don’t assume they’ve got it all figured out. Some families are really grateful for the work you're doing on a Sunday and some, unfortunately, see it merely as babysitting. Some parents are so overwhelmed with life, they don't think about kids church at all!

Give them bite-sized ways to reinforce faith at home—questions to ask at dinner, a short prayer to say at bedtime, a playlist to play in the car. You’re not adding to their pressure or giving the parents homework! You’re coming alongside with love.

Be Available and Approachable

Sometimes the most powerful ministry happens in the hallway. A parent might ask for prayer. Or open up about something hard. Be present. Be open. You may be the first person they trust with their child’s story.

I know firsthand what it's like to lead a kids ministry and run around putting out fires, but as the leader of the ministry, you need to be present. Some things can be delegated. Building relationships with parents isn't one of them. Before and after the church service, when people are chatting and drinking coffee, the Kids Ministry leader should make it their priority to use this time to connect with parents.

We Plant, They Water, God Grows

In 1 Corinthians 3:6, Paul says, “I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow.” That’s our posture. We plant. We encourage the watering. We pray. And we trust the Lord to do the deep, hidden work in children’s hearts.

Leaders of kids ministries need to face the truth: It is entirely possible for a child's faith formation to happen completely outside of the church (Avenant, Nel & Jordaan). Parents do not just play one role, they play the most important one.

Co-laboring with Parents

"Faith formation is firstly communal, then individual" - C. Dykstra

Partnering with parents is not only this intangible thing or just a good idea. It's also a very practical solution to many of the problems you are currently facing in your Kids Ministry. Let's consider some of the common challenges facing leaders of kids ministries and how partnering with parents can actually be a solution:

• Budget constraints: Ask parents to donate old stationery, books, blankets, and toys to the ministry.
  

• Volunteer needs: Ask parents to come in once a month to see what you're doing and get on the same page regarding their child's faith formation - as a bonus, you get extra help.
  

• Behavioral challenges: Invite parents into open dialogue about their child’s needs or struggles. When parents and leaders work together on discipline strategies and emotional support, children feel more secure and understood.
  

• Discipleship consistency: Kids Leaders often express to me that they feel like they don't have enough time on a Sunday morning to go really deep. Encourage parents to continue the week's lesson at home with a simple follow-up activity or discussion prompt. This reinforces what kids learn at church and makes parents feel equipped and involved.
  

  Here's an example: As part of my Kids Ministry Curriculum Living in the Kingdom of Heaven, I offer a Kindle e-Book for parents to take the message home. When I did this curriculum with the children at my church, they got super excited about taking the story home and being able to share what they'd learned with their families. The parents loved it! You can buy the story in PDF format from my website shop or buy it on Amazon for Kindle (you won't be able to print it then).
  

Buy your storybook on Amazon @ $4.60

Reflection:

We don’t just minister to children. We minister with families.

When you partner with parents in kids ministry, you are lowering the walls and making kids ministry accessible to everyone. And when we do it well, church becomes a place that feels like home—for everyone.

How about you? Are there any ways that you have found useful when it comes to the challenge of including parents in your Sunday School plan? Is this a new idea for you? I'd love to pray with you in the comment section as someone who understands what it's like to navigate the tricky waters of leading a kids ministry and connecting with parents.