Marriage as God intended - Biblical perspective
- Eljoh Hartzer, MTh
- Jun 27
- 5 min read
Updated: Aug 7
I grew up saying 'I will never get married', so believe me when I say I understand the aversion that you might feel to the idea of getting married. As I got older though, and learned more about living God's way, a different picture of marriage was opened to me:
Marriage is a beautiful, God-ordained design—meant to be a picture of Christ’s love for His Church. In Genesis 2:24, God says, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Marriage isn’t just a legal contract or a social arrangement; it’s a sacred partnership rooted in love, unity, and grace.
This article will explore marriages that are:
How the world twists God's words
While the world dislikes tradition, it sure does seem to adopt a lot of Christian or religious things. But every time, the world twists it ever so slightly. The picture of marriage that we see in the world around us is not the way that God designed marriage to function - not according to His Word.
In Ephesians 5, Paul beautifully describes the roles within marriage—not to restrict or control, but to serve and love deeply. Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loves the Church—selflessly and sacrificially. Wives are called to respect and support their husbands, creating a safe, nurturing environment where love can flourish.
So often, only this second part is read as if wives must submit to abusive, distant, and avoidant husbands. But before Paul writes about submission, he writes about husbands laying themselves down for their wives in Christlike love.
So how do we bring these timeless truths into our daily lives?
1. Communicate with Grace
Marriage thrives on honest, loving communication. Share your joys, your struggles, and your prayers. Listen with open hearts and seek understanding before being understood.
Think of it this way: You want to always give your partner the benefit of the doubt. Believe the best in them and watch them rise to the occasion. It can be hard to give them the benefit of the doubt when they've repeatedly wronged you or shown a pattern, but you can pray and invite Jesus to help you see your partner through His eyes. "Jesus, what do you see when you look at them? Help me to keep that picture in mind when I communicate with them"
Remember that you've received free grace from God, even when you didn't deserve it so you can offer your partner the very same thing. If every word in a marriage can be grace-coated there will be little room for hurt or offense.
2. Choose Forgiveness
No marriage is perfect, and both spouses will hurt each other at times. Choosing to forgive, just as Christ forgives us, breaks down walls and builds bridges.
Be unoffendable. Like water off a duck's back. Always believe the best and give them the option to change what they've said. If your partner says something hurtful, you might want to lash out in rage. But whisper a prayer under your breath and ask them: "I'm sure that's not what you meant..."
I've even started joking with my husband and saying: "Do you want to try that again?" Usually, most of the time, he only realized he'd said something hurtful when I said that line - and then we can both laugh about it.
But if we are quick to be offended, we can push our partner away unknowingly. They will start believing lies like "I can't do anything right" and start walking on eggshells around you.
Don't hold onto grudges or live with an elephant in the room. Shine a light on it and it will have to flee.
3. Pray Together
Prayer is a powerful way to unite your hearts and invite God’s presence into your relationship. Pray for each other’s dreams, fears, and growth.
As the two of you grow closer to God, you will also grow closer to each other. One time, my mentor described a relationship as a triangle. I am on the one corner, my husband is on the other corner, and God is at the third corner. As we move closer to God, we inevitably also grow closer to one another.
You guys are a team, so it's important that you align your goals and dreams. This does not often mean that the one person has to lay theirs aside and just champion the other one - No! It means finding something new together that both of you can share and excel at.
God gave you unique gifts and talents. We often talk about how these things should be used to serve the church and the world, but consider how these gifts can serve your family. Start there!
In Acts 1:8, Jesus said : "You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you, and you'll be my witnesses in Jerusalem, Judea, and Samaria - and to the ends of the earth!" We read this verse the other way around, as if our gifts are firstly for the furthest place beyond the horizon.
Your dinner table is discipleship; Your coversations before bed is holy ground; Even your budget meetings or admin chats can reflect God's Kingdom!
4. Grow Together Spiritually and Emotionally
Attend church, read Scripture, and find spiritual mentors or couples to journey with. Share what God is teaching you and support each other’s emotional well-being.
It's important to not outrun your partner. It's not a competition. You are a unit, and on the same team, so if one of you falls down, the other needs to slow down their pace and help them up... Don't run ahead of them thinking: "Uh oh, they really should spend more time reading their Bible; they are not a good Christian". This sounds awful but it is what I see so often! Rather, slow down and read Bible with them. Help them develop the muscle they are weak in; and they will also help you grow.
Remember, marriage is a daily choice to love and serve—not just a feeling but an action. When we center our marriages on Christ, we experience a joy and peace that reflect His beauty.
Emotional growth is another side of the same coin. Nowadays, we have information at our fingertips. If you keep fighting, consider embarking on an emotional growth journey together. You can explore each other's conflict styles, personalities, and even unresolved trauma to better understand why the other person acts the way they do.
Consider your home
Your home is the space where you guys will spend most of your time. It's worth considering how that environment is affecting or even shaping your marriage. Unknowingly, we can have so many things in our homes that distract us from living God's way. If you want to dive deeper into this topic, you can download my free Altars in the Home Workbook here:
In conclusion, a Biblical perspective on marriage
Marriage is a sacred adventure designed by God himself—let’s live it fully, with faith, hope, and love. God intended marriage as a union, two people coming together and living a life of worship unto Him. You can give this area of your life to God in wholehearted surrender. The goal of your marriage isn't to acquire success or money, it is to be a reflection of God's Kingdom.
A true Biblical perspective on marriage is seen in how Christ loved the church. It is:
gracious
selfless (forgiving)
hopeful (prayerful)
growing
Let's chat in the comments below (scroll down). What do you see as key in a Godly marriage? How can we come alongside and pray for you?
So insightful, fruitful